Left Over Fear
by JamieTyler
Summary: Set about a month after Nothing to Fear but there's no spoilers. It's a Bren/Jess story. Jesse's ignoring Brennan and Brennan wants to know why.


**Left Over Fear**

Brennan and Emma were just getting back from a night out. It was about one in the morning and both were slightly drunk. They had been out at a new club and while Emma had a wonderful time, Brennan had been sulking. Even Emma's drunken attempts to cheer him had fallen on deaf ears.

"Looks like someone had fun," Shalimar said as she came to greet the pair.

"Oh! It was fabulous!" Emma declared, half slurred. "You'll have to come with us next time!"

I'm sure I will," Shal said was an amused air, "Hey Em, why don't you get ready for bed?"

With a laugh Emma said, "I think I will, night all!"

"Oh, and Em, be quite. Jesse's finally fallen asleep, in the rec. room," Shal warned to Emma's retreating back.

The only response was a giggle.

Shal watched after her, even after she disappeared, listening to the sounds of her heels on the floor until she was sure that she reached her room. "She had fun," She said, turning to Brennan.

His response was a grunt.

"I take it you didn't have a good time?"

"Oh no, it was fine. Great club, it has good music, good bar tenders and drinks….good time," he said with a hint of aggression in his voice warning Shalimar that his temper was short.

She wasn't phased, "Would it have been better if a blond haired blue eyed boy had been there with you?"

Brennan let out a long and frustrated sigh. "I don't understand, I thought we were fine! I mean just last week everything was great! Now he's like hot and cold. Half the time he ignores me, the other half he's snapping at me…we're not even sleeping in the same bed! I have no idea what I did wrong!"

Shal suppressed the erg to rub her temple. She couldn't take much more of this Jesse Brennan melodrama. The two had been, well maybe dating wasn't the right word, but they had been together for the last month after a rocky start. Every thing had seemed fine, not even Jesse's insecurities seemed to bother them. Now, that had all changed. Jesse had seemingly been giving Brennan the cold shoulder for the last week and, of course, Bren had no idea why.

Shalimar, of course, did know why, but there was no way she was going to betray Jesse's trust. She did, however think, Jess was being an ass and not giving Brennan very good reasons why he was jeopardizing their relationship. Just another reason for her to hate Henry Voight; that and the deep concern and hurt that radiated from Brennan.

"Voight opened more doors in Jess' head then we thought…." Shal whispered softly, her eyes glowing ever-so-lightly.

Brennan looked at her confused, it had been nearly a month since that particular Genomex fuck up and it was clear that he was a little confused.

"Brennan, Jesse hasn't just not been sleeping with you, he hasn't been sleeping at all," she ran a hand softly through Brennan's hair. "He's in the rec. room, go watch him….you'll see." Then she was gone before Brennan could say anything.

He sat there awhile in the dark and solitude of the hanger, thinking on Shal's words.

"…_He hasn't been sleeping at all…."_

Those words bothered him, but the one's that scared him were;

"_Voight opened more doors in Jess' head then we thought…."_

For some reason, that made his heart constrict and his pulse race, just a little. "What's going on in your head kid?" Brennan asked the air.

Not satisfied with the answer he got, he decided to head off to bed, via the rec. room.

Brennan looked down at the anglic face before him, though he'd be the first to admit that at the moment it was a fallen angle's face. Jesse was curled up on the couch, still in the same jeans and sweat shirt from when Bren had last seen him, fast asleep. But he looked anything but peaceful. His coloring was off, just a bit too pale. His eyes were swollen and puffy, red rimed and tear streaked. And he looked old…broken down and kicked in the face. It flat out shocked Brennan, who cursed himself for not noticing the change before.

Silently he took a seat on the floor in front of the couch and waited. And after a half hour of watching Jesse sleep, Shal's words rang with new clarity. A sob escaped the younger man, and the rawness of it startled Brennan.

Jesse had gone from Semi peaceful to twisting and crying. Even in the dim light, the fine sheen of tears was visible. All at once the anger and frustration of earlier drained from Brennan, replaced now with concern and tenderness and as another sob escaped Jesse, Brennan was there to take him in his arms.

"It's alright Jess, it's ok…I'm here, I got you, you're alright…It's fine now, I got you…you're safe Jesse, you're safe…" Brennan repeated the words over and over again, cradling and rocking the younger man the best he could.

"No….please….it hurts….please…." Jesse sobbed and twisted in Brennan's arms. But the older man was too strong for him.

"Jess, it's alright…it's me…you're safe…I got you…" Brennan repeated, a little more forcefully.

It was becoming drastically clear that Jess was in the mists of a nightmare he couldn't escape and Brennan was at a loss for what to do.

"NO! STOP! GOD PLEASE NO! OH GOD PLEASE STOP!" Jesse sobbed out franticly and began thrashing.

It was all Brennan could do to hold on to him as he struggled with invisible tormentors. Brennan's heart was breaking at the sight as he watched the horror dance across Jesse's face. He could feel himself growing desperate as he tried to think of away to awaken Jess, excepting the fact traditional methods wouldn't work.

As a chocked scream/sob escaped from Jesse with more pain and fear then Bren thought possible, he bit his lip and sent a harmless zap through the molecular. Jesse woke fighting, and tore himself free of Brennan. Unsure of where he was he stumbled briefly until exhaustion made him collapse on the lazy boy across from the sofa. He twisted franticly, casting eyes around the room searching for something but focusing on nothing.

"It's alright Jess, you're safe…you're home and you're safe," Brennan started again, remaining where he was on the couch least he startled the younger man. He was afraid he may have to zap Jesse again, but he didn't.

This time, Brennan's voice was enough to bring Jesse around and slowly understanding and awareness started to creep back into horrified blue eyes. It took him a moment, but Jesse soon realized what had happened and the only thing he could think of to say was, "Shit…"

Jesse repeated the word several times through a raw throat and curled up into himself, refusing to look at anything. There was a slight tremor to his body and Brennan could just barely hear the hiccup sobs.

Eventually though, the room fell silent. With Brennan not knowing what to say, and Jesse not willing to speak, the room filled with tension that threatened to suffocate. But a few minuets latter it would be Jesse, again, who broke the tense silence, "I'm sorry."

"About what?" Brennan asked, confused.

"You weren't suppose to see me…to see that…" Jesse still wouldn't look at him.

"I've seen nightmares before."

There was silence again.

"Jess, what's going on?" Brennan leaned forward trying his hardest to catch the blond's eyes. That was easier said then done. Jesse was too far huddled into himself, eyes glued to the floor. He was ashamed, that was clear, but of what was the question.

"It's not your problem," was the emotionless reply.

"To hell it isn't," Brennan hissed with a little more venom then he intended, and he felt a peg of guilt when he saw Jesse flinch. "For the last week I've been bashing my brains out trying to figure out what I did wrong! How can I fix it if you won't tell me what it is?!"

The room fell still. One had to look very closely to see Jesse breathing or Brennan's twitch. But there was no answer to Brennan's question and it was in frustration that Brennan stood, "Fine Jess, whenever you're ready come talk to me but I'm done with trying."

"It's not your fault…it wasn't anything you did," Jesse said, barely loud enough; but Brennan heard him, and he turned back to face the molecular who still refused to look at him.

"It's not your problem because it's not your job to fix me…you shouldn't have to fix me. No one should, not Shalimar, not Adam, and not you."

Brennan moved lightly to reclaim his seat, thinking it better to just let Jess sort out his own thoughts.

"I'm not as innocent as everyone thinks. I'm not so naive. I know there are people who can never be good, and I know there are people who can't even be called human. I've met them…I know them personally. And that's my problem, not yours. They broke me, and I have to fix me. It shouldn't be your job to fix this freak every time it breaks…."

Brennan moved with unnatural swiftness and took hold of Jesse, forcing the younger man to look him in the eyes. "You are not a _freak_," he said with unquestionable force. "You are not an _it_. You are Jesse Kilmartin and you are a part of us, of me."

Jesse looked into Brennan's eyes, so desperately wanting to believe in the truths he saw there, but so unable too. "I am a freak…" he breather, "I am…."

Brennan shook him slightly, "You are not a freak! Say it! You are not a freak!"

It took a moment and another shake but finally Jesse said, "I am not a freak."

Letting out the breath he'd been holding, Brennan made Jesse repeat the statement until he was satisfied that the younger man had regained some of his composure. Releasing Jess, Brennan sat down on the floor in front of him, and waited.

"Bren, there's nothing you can do to help…" Jesse said after several minuets, new tears in his eyes.

"Try me Jess," Brennan said softly and wanting to see the tears.

Jesse chewed his lip for a moment before rubbing his hands over his face and shyly meeting Brennan's eyes. "It's just a nightmare Bren…"

"Bullshit. Tell me. I won't run away."

Jesse looked at him for a moment, and apparently seeing what he wanted, he took a shuddering breath and said, "It's a memory…Genomex…."

Brennan took Jesse's hand and gave it a squeeze, encouraging the younger man.

"A few months before Adam and Shal found me I was part of a test group. They were exploring the limits of moleculer's powers…i.e. the effects that natural elements had on us, Phase Group. I think that's what we were called. Anyways….they had us buried alive and made us phase to see how far we could get. They had us phase in a fire filled room, in a wind tunnel, in a water tank, in an electrical storm….just about every sick twisted thing you could think of they made us do it. There was sixty of us when they started and five by the end.

"Did you know that there's no body? I mean, if you can't make it out of a grave, you just become one with the earth. And in the wind, you never reform, you just blow apart. For water, there's not enough air, the current's too fast. You can't hold on, you drift. And if you're not fast enough in fire or electricity….your insides burn. You suffocate faster…sixty of us….I never knew the other's names…."

Jesse paused there, his eyes looking at something that Brennan knew he wouldn't be able to see. But he remained motionless and wordless for he some how knew there was more and it would have to come out in Jesse's time.

"I was one of the only five that made it. And that impressed them," there was an icy venom to his voice, a cold disgust, "They wanted to see why us, so they decided on one last test. I can still remember when they came to shave my head…Shal saved me just as they were preparing to cut open my head…they even had the scalpel ready like they were doing some kind of brain surgery and not mutilation…."

By now Jesse had started to cry again, and his voice was choked. Brennan was swallowing back vile and rage as he clung to Jesse's hand, offering reassurance as best he could.

"I was the only one who survived…I was the fifth dissection and the only one Adam and Shal saved…I…"

And it was here that he lost it. He couldn't stop the sobs or the guilt as it fought for release and he felt himself falling forward. But it was ok, because Brennan was there to catch him. And Brennan was there to hold him. And Brennan did, until Jesse had cried himself out.

"Did the nightmares start after Voight?" Brennan asked after some time.

"Yeah…another one of my stupid fears…" Jesse sighed.

"I don't think it's really all that stupid. In fact, I think it's perfectly logical," Brennan said, giving Jesse a kiss on his brow.

"It's not you're job Bren…you shouldn't have to fix me…" Jesse said.

Brennan ran the tips of his fingers along Jesse's check line and said softly, "It became my job when I fell in love with you…."

"I'm broken…too broken…" Jesse insisted.

"Doesn't matter."

"I'm…"

But Jesse didn't get to finish that thought. Brennan leaned into him and kissed him. Deeply, harshly, and yet tenderly, he kissed him.

"You are not a freak," Brennan said once he pulled away. "And you are not broken. You are so not broken."

Jesse looked up into the eyes of the man that was cradling him. He sighed softly and leaned his head into Brennan's chest, not once taking his eyes off Brennan's. He liked what he saw there, home, safety, but more importantly himself, or what could become himself. At the moment though he thought it was a lie, a wishful dream, but one that he should would like to have.

The two stayed there, unmoving for quiet sometime, touch doing more to fix then what voice could ever do. But eventually Jesse gave a small yawn and Brennan smiled. "I think it's time that you go to bed."

"Bed?" Jesse asked, another yawn escaping, "But it's so far away."

Brennan laughed at the whine in the voice thinking it all to cute. "Come on, you're exhausted. No wonder, after not sleeping for a month. Of course that's what Shal said."

"What Shal said?"

"Well, yeah she said that you haven't been sleeping and it had something to do with Voight."

"My big sister has a big mouth…" Jesse mumbled as he and Bren staggered off to their room.

"Oh well, it's only cause she loves you. And by the way, I love you to."

Jesse sighed and leaned into Bren's warmth, "I know and I wonder why."

"Sometimes I do too," Brennan teased.

"Hey!" Jesse cried but there was to much laughter in his voice.

The banter continued down the hall, until it became muffled and then silenced.

Once she was sure no one was around Shal slipped from the shadows of Sanctuary and stared after the path her brother and her pack mate had taken. All was well in Sanctuary once again and the feral smiled.


End file.
